I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
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Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
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Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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