go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
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woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
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The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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