is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
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I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
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Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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