Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
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Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
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Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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