The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
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Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
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Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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