Don't make out with my wife yet
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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