this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize