god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
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He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
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It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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