i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
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