is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize