She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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