Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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