So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
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Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
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I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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