I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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