I'm lost and stupid without you.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
So much rum. So many feels.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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