it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize