Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
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