i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
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You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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