so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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