Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize