Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
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I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
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My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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