thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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