So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
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But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
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You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
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