He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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