i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
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Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
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Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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