Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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