did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize