He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
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I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
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Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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