I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize