p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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