After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
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and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My dad just said "fuck circus"
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apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
The air taste purple.
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