i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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