he wants to bone in the snuggie
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
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I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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