drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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