But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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