the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
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I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
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Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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