just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
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Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
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I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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