First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize