I want to stick my p in your. b.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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