those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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