I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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