I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
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He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
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"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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