I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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