Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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