I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
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And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
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2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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