I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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