kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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