my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize