I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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