I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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